She then casually asks the sort of question a man usually blurts out around a beautiful woman. “So why aren’t you married?” He tells her honestly that he is divorced and shares a few details in a matter-of-fact manner, leaving any bitterness far behind. Instead of being put off by this, Anna tells us that she was moved that he opened up to her so honestly. Caught up in the moment, Arthur gives her a gift. He has a pair of dice that he’s carried in his right pocket for over two years. They are his good luck charm. He hands them to her and tells her he doesn’t need luck charms anymore because he’s been lucky enough to spend time with her. They kiss again and it’s a testament to just how much effect the gift had on her that the entire time they kiss she not only holds on to the dice, but clutches them against her heart.
After a break we rejoin the studs, who are far enough ahead of schedule that they have time to stop off in Venice and pump iron on Muscle Beach. This was, of course, completely unplanned and spontaneous, and if you believe that I have some very attractive investment opportunities to discuss with you. Gregg flexes his biceps for the camera and tells us he plans to invite Anna to the “gun show.” We see the guys in various states of sweaty flexing and lifting interspersed with comments such as Gregg’s. I’ll be honest enough here to say that the female viewers may be have been gasping for air at this point in the show, but it really didn’t do much for me. The guys shout encouragement at each other (“Pull it up, bitch! C’mon!”) and pose some more for the cameras. It all ends in a soft focus shot of the guys standing and lifting dumbells in a group shot. I’m sure more than one TiVo unit will overheat in the next couple of days as that scene gets played over and over by women who don’t often get to see seven six-packs in one spot like that.
The Joes meet with Anna on the Queen Mary, where she spends a few minutes with each of them in her pre-elimination interviews. She elates a very nervous Josh by telling him that there is a reason why she hasn’t spent much time with him and that it’s a good reason. Nonetheless, for four of them the time with Anna is about to end.
Later that night, the guys line up on the shore, and without much ceremony, Anna eliminates Igor. He tells us he was prepared for it and that it’s “no hair off my back.” She chooses Dan second, and this comes as no surprise as he said very little to Anna that we’ve seen. As her third pick, she calls Joshua – the carpenter, not the Josh from the above paragraph. Although he was a fairly large presence in the premiere episode, he’s had very little to say and do this week. He tells us that there are some things that he would have done differently.
Before announcing her final pick, Anna takes a moment to compose her emotions and tells the Joes that she enjoyed her “quality time” with the final man being asked to leave. This pretty much tells us that Aaron, Gino, or Arthur is about to get a bad shock. Sadly it’s Aaron and his bag of socks. Fighting back tears, she tells him that he’s a sweetheart. As he boards the bus, he speculates that perhaps he wasn’t assertive or romantic enough.
As Anna continues to battle back the waterworks we see a quick shot out in the harbor where what looks like a commando boat is slipping toward the shore. As it makes landfall unseen behind them, the studs climb out and remove their black wetsuits to reveal matching white dinner jackets and bow tie outfits. One of them fires a flare across the beach but it doesn’t attract the attention of the remaining Joes. It’s the signal to start a fireworks display that pulls everyone’s attention, including Anna’s.
As they all watch the celestial show, the studs slip up directly behind each of the Joes and wait to be noticed. Fittingly, it’s Dante who spots them first. In slow motion we see each of the Joes turn and meet the hunks head-on. The joy in their faces turns to expressions ranging from acceptance to complete resignation. Arthur, in particular, seems to deflate before our eyes. Anna meanwhile, greets the new arrivals with a look of unbridled eagerness I’ve only seen on the faces of little old ladies a moment before they yell BINGO! “I was like a kid in a candy store,” she tells us in a laughing voiceover. “These guys are hot!” She then tells us that she looked at Arthur and saw tears in his eyes and felt horrible. “The reality hit us like an anvil,” Arthur tells us.
After the commercial break which includes a Diet Pepsi commercial featuring the Ramones (heresy! “Blitzkrieg Bop” was NOT meant to hawk soda!) we return and learn that Joshua the carpenter has been selected for this week’s Joe Makeover. The nutritionist chastises Joshua for having sparse eating habits and puts him on a high calorie diet. After hearing so many makeover contestants forced to eat less than a concentration camp inmate, this is a welcome change. The personal trainer finds Joshua to be an athletic type and sets to work building up the foundation that is already there. As I mentioned in my introductory column for the show, Joshua is one of the Joes who needs minimal work to whip into “beefcake” shape. The dentist bleaches his teeth, and then it’s off to the stylist. As I also predicted, his beard and hair are destined for the dustbin. The change is remarkable, although they really should have left him with a shorter and styled beard. His chin is a little too weak to go out in public completely unclad.
In the preview for next week we once again see clips of the hunks throwing beds outside and trying to banish the Joes from the mansion. We also see an apparent brawl break out during some kind of roller derby match, a teasing preview of the dates in Tahiti (including some tonsil swapping between Anna and Josh) but no sign of the remade Joes. The last shot of the episode is of an absolutely aghast Anna watching the inevitable dodgeball match as one of the studs says in voiceover, “two of these guys are going home in an ambulance!” Since this season has been dubbed “the year the Joes strike back” it looks like next week is the episode we’ve all been waiting for. We already know that Dante refuses to back down. Which other Joes will stand up for themselves this season? Will Arthur back up his strong talk with action or will he wilt in the face of all that testosterone? Will this be the year that the lovely lady finally falls in love with a Joe? The betting around RNO is split pretty much down the middle on this one. What do you think? Join me next week as we move one step closer to the answers.
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