“When I got downstairs,” Josh tells us in interview, “Dante was already there and he was confronting Carson.” Whew! Thanks Josh, you really bailed me out on that one. I couldn’t have sorted it out without you. “Carson was getting angry and provoking him and threatening him.” As Josh is explaining all this we see Dante calmly reach over and grab Carson’s suitcase. Carson, with his back to Dante says, “it’s intimidation and we’re moving in.” “Well,” Dante says calmly as he heads for the door with the suitcase, “I’m moving you out.” At this point Carson realizes what is happening and yells, “that’s IT boy!” and chases Dante outside to retrieve his suitcase. We see a quick shot of Clay and Gino listening to it all from upstairs. It’s just long enough for us to realize that anyone depending on these two for backup has made the biggest mistake of their lives.
The scene shifts back to the downstairs bedroom where the fecal matter is about to hit the cooling unit. “You touched my stuff,” Dante is explaining to the Doublemint Twins, “that’s personal property so it’s all right for me to take your stuff.” This logic is met with the expected schoolyard testosterone bathed response. “You just try to take it out,” Michael threatens. The next moment was one of the most intense scenes I’ve ever watched on a reality show. Dante the Undaunted steps forward toward the suitcases only to have Carson step into the way. The two stand literally toe-to-toe in a glaring contest that would have done Ali and Frasier proud. “I’ve learned one thing in my life,” Dante tells us in interview, “if you want to get out of a bad situation, you do something crazy.” We cut back to the bedroom where Dante promptly moves forward and plants a kiss right on Carson’s lips.
What happens next can be described any number of ways. For example… everyone began slipping on the Roquefort on the floor because all the cheese slid off of Carson’s cracker. Or we could go with the REM explanation and say that Carson lost all his religion. Aww the heck with it. Suffice it to say that there was an almost audible “POP” as Carson’s demeanor went from cool machismo to murderous rage in a span of time so short that scientists have yet to measure it. Carson grabs Dante’s face in both hands. Whether it was in preparation to hit him or if he planned to return the kiss is not my place to say, but before we find out, Michael grabs Carson by the hand. Whether he was trying to restrain a friend, or wanting to make a jealous claim of ownership isn’t my place to say either. As Dante turns and walks out of the room toward the other Joes on the patio, Carson finally regains the power of speech and lets out a string of profanity that has construction workers all over the country blushing and taking notes for future reference. Amongst the Joes, Josh says, “did he just kiss him?” “Yeah he did,” Nathan replies with an ear to ear grin, “and it was great!” No offense Nathan, but I think it’s Carson’s place to give the critique, not yours. Carson continues his vulgar rant but now it seems more directed at the camera crew and production staff than at any of the Joes. Amidst a stream of beeps and bleeps that should have earned the sound guy hazardous duty pay, Carson warns the producers that if they throw him off the show for grabbing Dante by the face he will shove Dante’s head through a wall. He turns to leave the room so quickly that a startled boom mike toting crewman is caught on camera and is too shocked to utter so much as a “hi mom” as Carson punches the closet door.
Dante is now long gone, presumably upstairs gargling with Drano and battery acid, but Carson continues to rant. “You have no idea,” he tells Michael, “how much courage and restraint it took for me to not do what I wanted to do.” Courage? Dude, you just got kissed full on the button by a full-grown man on national television in front of an audience that the Neilson Service assures us numbers dozens of people. Courage doesn’t enter the equation. Humiliation however, is definitely a factor. I will however, give you props for the restraint part. I would have laid even money that you would have torn into Dante so hard that even the CSI Miami team wouldn’t have been able to identify the remains.
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