After the matches conclude, it’s time for lunch. Anna serves up heaping plates of Sloppy Joes and she’s dressed in a hot pink lunch lady costume. I can tell immediately she is a fake and not a real lunch lady because she has no mustache and also because no self-respecting school staffer would ever lean provocatively forward and remind the guys to make sure to get some milk.
It is announced that the second contest will be an eating competition to see which team can eat the most sandwiches in five minutes. This makes the hunks quietly begin to freak out. “We’re on very strict protein diets,” Rocky tells us, “we have seven meals a day that are made up of a certain level of protein.” Okay, that settles it. This show now officially has more homo-erotic innuendo and imagery than the first two seasons of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy combined. The Joes wade into the Sloppy Joes like sharks at a Weight Watcher’s beach party and Carson has a revelation. He whispers his plan to each of the other jocks. Once the Joes finish with a score of 25 sandwiches in five minutes, it’s the hunks turn. The moment the clock starts for them, however, they all stand up from the table and begin applauding the Joes, forfeiting the game and conceding the victory. It’s now tied up with each team winning one event. The tie-breaker event will be – now brace yourself for the shocking surprise – dodgeball.
Anna announces it will be shirts versus skins and that the hunks must doff their tops. The Joes, looking Absolutely Flabulous with their lunches still swirling around in their stomachs, do their best, but it is large-scale slaughter. I’ll spare you the horrible details, but apart from Clay valiantly eliminating a couple of the studs, it is a massacre.
After the assorted organs and limbs are cleaned off the floor, the teams gather together for the promised “something extra” from Anna. Even though I think some of the Joes are hoping the prize will be an oxygen tank and a case of Pepto Bismol, Anna tells the group that the prize is a private date for one lucky member of the winning team. She chooses Rocky, telling us that he was the most polite and cordial to the Joes during the wrestling match. Rocky tells us that he is excited because the private date provides an opportunity to really show yourself and that’s the most important thing.
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