Episode 2 Recap

[PlatypusBen]

The Staff member who was updating the site has a recap from NBC with Pictures, it would take me forever to post all the pictures here, if you would rather read that recap go to http://www.platypusben.com and click on the Average Joe Page.

Here is a text recap from "Reality News Online"

Average Joe 4: The Joes Strike Back, Episode 2: Riders on the Storm
by Bruce Barker -- 07/06/2005

The Joes can’t stand the obnoxious Igor (right). But will Anna fall for his charms? Meanwhile, the studs make their way to Joe-land. Do our heroes stand a chance?


Our show begins this week without a two-hour delay and without an introduction by the president. Hopefully this will help ratings, as last week’s time change gave Average Joe its lowest ratings since the show first debuted.

Apparently the late start last week had its effect on the Joes too, because after a brief recap of last week, we see the Joes all conked out in their beds and dreaming of the lovely Anna. In a voiceover Arthur tells us that Anna is everything a soulmate should be. It’s six in the morning and not a creature is stirring, not even a mouse. Well, not quite. One of the Joes is getting an early start. Dante is out in the kitchen rattling those pots and pans. Is he making breakfast? Oh no. Is he cleaning up from a late-night party? Wrong again. Perhaps he’s trying to salvage a meal from the crumbs Igor might have left behind. No, sorry. I’m going to have to flip all the cards and tell you that Dante is in the kitchen planning to become the first person in reality show history to be killed by his fellow contestants. He tells us that his plan is to awaken his roommates and welcome them to the new day. He grabs a big pot and a ladle and walks into the bedroom area. Like a cliché from every boot camp movie ever made, he begins banging the cookery together and screaming at the top of his lungs. “Wake UP!!!!! It’s TIME TO GO!!!!” Gino tells us in interview that he only got three hours of sleep as a result. Dante just tells us it’s his way of saying hello. The footage of Gino saying “hello” back to Dante must be on the editing room floor along with the scenes of the surgical removal of the aforementioned ladle. Trust me, if anyone decides to awaken me in that fashion, the doctors will be removing the ladle, the soup pot, and quite possibly the refrigerator!

The scene jumps from the mansion to a spot out in the desert some 229 miles away. We get a glimpse of a dust devil swirling in the sands to provide us with a moment’s foreshadowing, and then we see seven bright red sports cars on the horizon. It’s time to meet the Studs. But wait! Without so much as a glance at the drivers, we cut back to the mansion where Dante is being prophetic. “I’m just looking ahead at the storm that’s out on the shoreline waiting to come in,” he warns the other Joes. “It’s gonna be like an earthquake.” He continues to play Chicken Little, and the other guys quickly get tired of all the angst and hand wringing.

“Dante’s making it seem like these hunks are like superhuman devils,” Igor tells us. “They’re just humans.” Dante spends the morning coming up with ideas and plots to humiliate the Studs. He suggests a belly-flop contest and a scavenger hunt. “They’re just ludicrous ideas,” Jason tells us. Finally, Dante and Igor are reduced to calling one another names with Igor saying that Dante needs psychiatric help because he’s going nuts over something that might not even happen. “You’re a psycho!” he screams at Dante. In an interview clip, Igor assures us “it’s something he doesn’t even know is gonna happen.”

Better wake up the cameramen in the desert; there isn’t a director in the world that can pass up a segue like that! Quick as you can say “jump cut” we’re staring at the seven sports cars tearing across the sands. It’s time to meet the… never mind. We jump again, this time to a shot of a killer whale at Sea World. It’s date time with Anna. We see a montage of Anna and the Joes riding the attractions while she tells us that she wanted some time with the guys to get to know them a little better. She tells us it wasn’t what she expected, but that the guys are all so sweet they make her feel like a princess. As they stroll around the grounds however, a stench begins to surround them that is bad enough to make the dolphins threaten to strike for better conditions. “I brought out my secret weapon,” Dante proudly tells us. “If you really want to eliminate someone, that’s how to do it.” It turns out that the stench is coming from his sandals, and the other guys complain to us of his “wet foot funk.” Not since Puck on The Real World has a roommate made this kind of impression.

Soon Dante begins to crowd in on Anna and monopolize her time. Chuck and Igor immediately notice and swoop in, literally grabbing Anna away from the Toe Jam Kid. If one of them had puffed up a large red sack under his neck it would have looked like mating season on a National Geographic special on the great apes. We see a shot of some of the more timid Joes lagging a bit behind and walking with downcast eyes. The effect this all has on Anna is immediate. “Chuck and Igor are grabbing me, and so is Dante,” she tells us in an interview clip. “The quieter guys are getting flushed out, and some of these guys are coming on way too strong.”

The group decides to head over to the Shamu performance and Igor reminds Anna that these are actually Shamu’s grandchildren that they’ll be seeing. “I’m psyched to get in there and shake things up,” Gregg says, “those other guys are out of the picture right now.” I’m kind of excited about seeing the Orca show and… wait. Who’s Gregg and why are we back in the desert? What? Now it’s time to meet the studs? But we were going to see the killer whales and… okay. But there was no warning this time and the director already let two perfectly good chances to introduce these guys go by the boards and… Fine then. I’m supposed to recap, not try to understand what the director smoked in the editing room. Ahem.

Now it’s time to meet the studs! There are seven of them:

Gregg has little spikes of hair sticking straight up all over his head, and I don’t care how popular the style might be, I still don’t understand why a grown man would deliberately make himself look like hedgehogs are mating on his skull. Regardless, we’ve already heard his opinion of things so let’s move on.

Brad too has the mousse-it-to-death hair and a set of pearly whites that would make Mack the Knife shiver with envy. “I feel kinda bad for the guys,” he tells us. “I can only imagine the look of despair on their faces when they see us.” He’s apparently driving a convertible because his ego kept busting through the roof of the hardtops.

Rocky is as rugged a slab of beefcake as you are likely to see. With wavy brown hair and a chin cleft you could plant corn in, he is definitely a lady-killer. “Guys that are out of shape pine after girls like Anna,” he assures us with the wisdom of the ages. “I’m the guy that dates them.” If he hides his arrogance well enough, I’ll bet some big bucks that Anna is going to melt like buttah the first time he so much as glances at her.



Carson bears a little bit of resemblance to what John Leguizamo would look like after a year with a personal trainer. “She doesn’t have to break their hearts,” he promises. “I’m gonna do it by taking her away from them. You see these eyes and this smile next to a 250-pound guy with a cheeseburger? She’s not gonna be able to take her eyes off of me.” At this point I have to remind myself that these guys are getting paid to act like this and they might actually be real human beings. It’s hard to tell because sometimes apes try to fool you by walking upright.

Before we can meet the other three humble and self-effacing gentlemen, we are whisked back to Sea World where Anna and the Joes are about to meet Shamu. The trainer asks Anna to invite one of the men up to hug the enormous mammal, and without hesitation she picks Nathan. She tells us that she picked Nathan because he’s one of the quiet ones, but that when he does speak he always has something sweet to say. As they take turns giving Shamu some affection Nathan tells us how pleased he is that she made him her first pick. “It definitely felt first-datish,” he explains, “I’m definitely feeling confident.” He also hopes this won’t be his only opportunity to spend some time with Anna without the crowd of Joes around them. We watch a montage of Shamu and siblings splashing the group and are suddenly whisked back to the sports car commercial on the sand flats to meet:

Craig , who is quick to tell us that he doesn’t lose much. “Game over already!” he says with a laugh as he shows us the same easy smile that made Jon Bon Jovi a millionaire. He is the first of the new men to actually seem a little uncomfortable spouting the steroid driven rhetoric that these introductions seem to demand.

Josh is the sort of blonde dude who can be seen in droves all over Southern California beaches, and he feels that there will be issues in the house because, “beautiful people like to surround themselves with beautiful people.”

Nike promises us that they are the real stars of the show and that they are going to take Anna away. If you think his name is ridiculous imagine how his sister Reebok feels! As the cars all come spinning to a stop Nike warns us, “Girls like the bad boys, and I’m the bad boy so they better watch out.”

[PlatypusBen]

Back at Sea World, Anna announces that it’s time to pick a guy for her first real date. She tells the Joes that she’s a bit shy so she’s going to whisper the name of her choice to a friend who will let them know who it will be. A sea lion then comes sliding up out of the water and she whispers into its ear. I’m thinking to myself, “this is sooo lame,” as the animal shoots across the pool to perch across from the Joes. The sea lion looks from side to side as if coming to a decision and then lets out a bark at Igor full of enough aggression to turn a T-Rex into a vegetarian. One by one the sea lion barks at the Joes until it finally stops in front of Aaron. As Aaron braces for the roar of the sea lion, the creature instead flashes a big grin at him and I think to myself, “this is sooo cool!”

For their date Aaron and Anna get to play in the dolphin pool. I personally can’t think of a more fun date. Anna dances with one dolphin and Aaron watches others turn somersaults. In a moment of pure pleasure, the couple leans across a couple of dolphins they are holding and share a brief kiss. Aaron is overjoyed. After the dolphins say goodbye and thank them for all the fish, the couple shares some quiet time over a glass of wine. Anna gently coaxes him into admitting that he was a bit of a geek in school, and she tells him that she actually admires someone who is studious and pursues goals.

In an interview she surmises that Aaron hasn’t dated much because he seemed very nervous. Meanwhile, Aaron tells us that she kept looking right at him, and the fact that he had her full attention made him feel wonderful. This is one of the things that makes Average Joe so interesting to watch. We see how the dates are going from both sides. He slowly slips his arm around her but doesn’t seem to know what to do with it once it lands. It sort of sits there like a sack of socks, and Anna explains to us that she does like a quiet man, but prefers one who can be a little aggressive and take charge of a situation. She gives him a fairly polite buss on the lips at the end of the date that poor Aaron takes as an optimistic sign for his chances with her. He seems oblivious to the fact that his sack of socks trick has failed to dazzle her.

Later that night – 3:40 am to be precise – some of the Joes are plotting revenge against Dante for his wake-up call. They strap the snoring Dante into his bed with thick electrical tape and… well, that’s it. They don’t do anything else. Apparently most of these guys don’t have many opportunities for vengeful thoughts and for them revenge is a dish best served with a nice side-salad and an aperitif.

The next day begins with a group date. Igor, Dante, Gino, Clay, Dan, and Josh join Anna aboard the yacht. Anna tells them they are headed to Malibu for some wetsuit fun. Igor asks her if she wears her underwear under the suit, and she tells him that he can “go commando” if he wants. Josh is concerned that he’s out with the more aggressive men of the group and decides to find his own way to make his presence known. He asks Anna if she’s cold and offers her a green poncho. The others all tease him enviously and he just smiles and says, “hey, I didn’t make the thing!” The guys ask her to say something in Polish, and although the subtitles translate it into, “thank you for coming out with me today,” Dante swears she said “you’ve all been voted off.”



Back at the house, Chuck has gotten word that a close friend is in the hospital and opts to leave the house and the show to take care of his friend. The Bible teaches that greater love hath no man than that he lay aside the hot dating show chick for a friend… or something like that… so my hat’s off to him for a classy decision. All kidding aside, it’s nice to see that he has his priorities in good order, and a lot of women who live near him and see this show may look at him with greater interest because of his decision.

Over in Malibu, Anna is going tubing. For those unfamiliar with this activity, it’s just like water skiing but you are towed in a large rubber raft instead of standing on sticks. After she takes a flip into the ocean, the other guys take a turn. Much fun is made of Dante, who is big enough that he has a terrible time getting into the tube. It becomes such an ordeal that even Anna can’t help but laugh at the situation. After a brief montage of flips and spills, we join the group for a somewhat serious bit of speculation. Dante thinks it will give Anna an opportunity to learn something about each of them if they tell her what one thing they would want with them on a deserted island. The answers are about what you might expect. Gino would bring his mother’s secret pasta sauce. Josh would want another person to keep him company. Clay, of course, opts for a Bible. Then Igor blows the conversation to kingdom come. “I’d bring a case of condoms,” he says. As everyone looks away in embarrassment, his words just sort of lay there like a 400-pound dead gorilla. He tries to cover it up by joking about filling them up and popping them like balloons, but it’s about as successful as stuffing all the Jell-O back into the box after you make it. Later, as Igor attacks the buffet like he caught it in bed with his woman, the others talk about how crass his comments tend to be. Of course, backbiting is the height of social grace.

Once again, as the group date winds down Anna gets to pick one gentleman to have a private date with. Much to the chagrin of the others, she chooses Gino. As the sun sets as a backdrop, Anna comes up on deck for a candlelit dinner with her choice. In a voiceover, Gino tells us that they didn’t need the candles because Anna lit up the area with her smile and beautiful hair. Watch out, Anna! There are few men more charming and gallant than a smitten Italian gentleman. True to form, he knows all the right moves. He pours her wine and compliments her in Italian. He tells her she has, “la faschia la dondo,” which loses something in translation and becomes “the round face” in English. He tells her that he finds an open and roundish face to be extremely attractive and comments on it several times. She finally disarms him completely by leaning over and giving him a brief kiss. To him, this is a green light. He tells us that he was so spellbound by her that all he could think was “ga-ga ga-ga-GA” and that he wanted to give her a real kiss – but “not like an animal!” We see him basically kiss her whole face repeatedly as he smooches her cheeks and lips and forehead. In fairness to Gino, I should point out that this was apparently the same moment played several times, but the amusing editing makes it look like he tried to eat her entire head. After the date he tells us that Cupid’s arrow is in his back and he is so giddy that he heads up to the control room to dance with and for the captain.

After a commercial break we see that the Studs are now racing their Mustangs down the roads leading into the LA area and are less than 50 miles from peeing on the Joes’ cornflakes.

The guys who missed the date aboard the yacht have gathered with Anna in a park where they are going to “throw some disks.” What this means is that some Olympics class dogs are going to be playing catch with the group. What it also means is that the people at Wham-O have decided not to pay ad money to the show and therefore the “disks” aren’t Frisbees.

After a series of scenes with the dogs showing off skills that would get them a job as hosts of a weekly show on Animal Planet, we see Arthur make his move. He shows Anna the proper technique for throwing a Fris… uhm Disk. Anna asks Jason if he’s ever dated an older woman, and he responds that he, in fact, hasn’t. He also mentions that he hasn’t dated a younger woman either! Arthur begins to grill Anna about her taste in music and discovers that they share a common love for big band swing. This smooth conversation leaves the others staring at the ground, and when it comes time for Anna to choose her private companion for dinner there is little doubt as to who it will be.

She and Arthur continue their discussion over drinks and dinner, and he is every bit as suave as Gino was the night before. As they dangle their feet in the pool, Arthur asks her about her dog and learns that her pet understands commands in Polish instead of English. At his urging she tells him some basic commands including “give me a kiss.” He asks her how to change it from an imperative command to a request and she is touched that he is able to repeat the Polish words perfectly. So touched, in fact, that she gives him a lingering and sincere kiss. Arthur is smitten. No doubt about it, the man is in full smite. Soon he tells her that she disarms him every time she looks at him. Rather than accept this flattery as she has from the others, for the first time she returns the compliment telling him that her face is sore from smiling so much with him. In interview she tells us that he made her laugh all evening and that she found that to be very sexy.

[PlatypusBen]

She then casually asks the sort of question a man usually blurts out around a beautiful woman. “So why aren’t you married?” He tells her honestly that he is divorced and shares a few details in a matter-of-fact manner, leaving any bitterness far behind. Instead of being put off by this, Anna tells us that she was moved that he opened up to her so honestly. Caught up in the moment, Arthur gives her a gift. He has a pair of dice that he’s carried in his right pocket for over two years. They are his good luck charm. He hands them to her and tells her he doesn’t need luck charms anymore because he’s been lucky enough to spend time with her. They kiss again and it’s a testament to just how much effect the gift had on her that the entire time they kiss she not only holds on to the dice, but clutches them against her heart.

After a break we rejoin the studs, who are far enough ahead of schedule that they have time to stop off in Venice and pump iron on Muscle Beach. This was, of course, completely unplanned and spontaneous, and if you believe that I have some very attractive investment opportunities to discuss with you. Gregg flexes his biceps for the camera and tells us he plans to invite Anna to the “gun show.” We see the guys in various states of sweaty flexing and lifting interspersed with comments such as Gregg’s. I’ll be honest enough here to say that the female viewers may be have been gasping for air at this point in the show, but it really didn’t do much for me. The guys shout encouragement at each other (“Pull it up, bitch! C’mon!”) and pose some more for the cameras. It all ends in a soft focus shot of the guys standing and lifting dumbells in a group shot. I’m sure more than one TiVo unit will overheat in the next couple of days as that scene gets played over and over by women who don’t often get to see seven six-packs in one spot like that.

The Joes meet with Anna on the Queen Mary, where she spends a few minutes with each of them in her pre-elimination interviews. She elates a very nervous Josh by telling him that there is a reason why she hasn’t spent much time with him and that it’s a good reason. Nonetheless, for four of them the time with Anna is about to end.

Later that night, the guys line up on the shore, and without much ceremony, Anna eliminates Igor. He tells us he was prepared for it and that it’s “no hair off my back.” She chooses Dan second, and this comes as no surprise as he said very little to Anna that we’ve seen. As her third pick, she calls Joshua – the carpenter, not the Josh from the above paragraph. Although he was a fairly large presence in the premiere episode, he’s had very little to say and do this week. He tells us that there are some things that he would have done differently.

Before announcing her final pick, Anna takes a moment to compose her emotions and tells the Joes that she enjoyed her “quality time” with the final man being asked to leave. This pretty much tells us that Aaron, Gino, or Arthur is about to get a bad shock. Sadly it’s Aaron and his bag of socks. Fighting back tears, she tells him that he’s a sweetheart. As he boards the bus, he speculates that perhaps he wasn’t assertive or romantic enough.

As Anna continues to battle back the waterworks we see a quick shot out in the harbor where what looks like a commando boat is slipping toward the shore. As it makes landfall unseen behind them, the studs climb out and remove their black wetsuits to reveal matching white dinner jackets and bow tie outfits. One of them fires a flare across the beach but it doesn’t attract the attention of the remaining Joes. It’s the signal to start a fireworks display that pulls everyone’s attention, including Anna’s.

As they all watch the celestial show, the studs slip up directly behind each of the Joes and wait to be noticed. Fittingly, it’s Dante who spots them first. In slow motion we see each of the Joes turn and meet the hunks head-on. The joy in their faces turns to expressions ranging from acceptance to complete resignation. Arthur, in particular, seems to deflate before our eyes. Anna meanwhile, greets the new arrivals with a look of unbridled eagerness I’ve only seen on the faces of little old ladies a moment before they yell BINGO! “I was like a kid in a candy store,” she tells us in a laughing voiceover. “These guys are hot!” She then tells us that she looked at Arthur and saw tears in his eyes and felt horrible. “The reality hit us like an anvil,” Arthur tells us.

After the commercial break which includes a Diet Pepsi commercial featuring the Ramones (heresy! “Blitzkrieg Bop” was NOT meant to hawk soda!) we return and learn that Joshua the carpenter has been selected for this week’s Joe Makeover. The nutritionist chastises Joshua for having sparse eating habits and puts him on a high calorie diet. After hearing so many makeover contestants forced to eat less than a concentration camp inmate, this is a welcome change. The personal trainer finds Joshua to be an athletic type and sets to work building up the foundation that is already there. As I mentioned in my introductory column for the show, Joshua is one of the Joes who needs minimal work to whip into “beefcake” shape. The dentist bleaches his teeth, and then it’s off to the stylist. As I also predicted, his beard and hair are destined for the dustbin. The change is remarkable, although they really should have left him with a shorter and styled beard. His chin is a little too weak to go out in public completely unclad.

In the preview for next week we once again see clips of the hunks throwing beds outside and trying to banish the Joes from the mansion. We also see an apparent brawl break out during some kind of roller derby match, a teasing preview of the dates in Tahiti (including some tonsil swapping between Anna and Josh) but no sign of the remade Joes. The last shot of the episode is of an absolutely aghast Anna watching the inevitable dodgeball match as one of the studs says in voiceover, “two of these guys are going home in an ambulance!” Since this season has been dubbed “the year the Joes strike back” it looks like next week is the episode we’ve all been waiting for. We already know that Dante refuses to back down. Which other Joes will stand up for themselves this season? Will Arthur back up his strong talk with action or will he wilt in the face of all that testosterone? Will this be the year that the lovely lady finally falls in love with a Joe? The betting around RNO is split pretty much down the middle on this one. What do you think? Join me next week as we move one step closer to the answers.